October 28

i have started this post multiple times, but can't ever seem to finish it and it never sounds right so i am going to give it another go :)

i absolutely cannot believe that it is already almost november. this has been one crazy semester (but aren't they all!!) the past three months have been an insane roller coaster of ups and downs and at times on a daily basis! satan is really working on my doubts and insecurities as i approach the ending of my seminary career. i'll start off with a few of the downer moments. i will keep them brief, but as a christian i feel it is important for those out there to know that we too have struggles. too many people believe that trusting in christ will some how take away all of our problems, doubts, and insecurities, but we are all proof that this is not the case. the only way to get past these is to acknowledge them, and look to christ for our strength and comfort. the unknown is such a scary thing. knowing that i will graduate in a little over 6 months is more than i can take at times. what will i do? where will i go? how will i pay the bills? am i prepared to do the job God calls me to? and the list of questions goes on and on. at times these doubts begin to spiral into questions like am i good enough? what is wrong with me? have i really followed God's plan for my life? do i truly love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength? and again the questions continue. for some reason this has been an ongoing battle within me for the past three months and i can't seem to fully shake these doubts and insecurities.

i am working through these and trying my best to fall into God and trust that he has brought me this far. he has not and will not forget about me or lead me astray as long as i stay close to him.

with these struggles this semester has also been the most encouraging one. i am learning so much about christ and myself. my classes this semester have been the most uplifting ones i have ever taken. God definitely knew what he was doing when he set up my classes for this semester. even with the doubts, i know with all my heart that i am where God wants me to be. i have loved learning more about children's ministry, family ministry, and curriculum this semester. i have fully seen first hand that the closer we grow to God and the more we lean on him, the more satan will try to pull us in the other direction. i love where i am right now and i am trying my hardest to not borrow worries and let today be today and tomorrow worry about itself.

there has been one song that has seemed to be on repeat in my head over the past month or so and it has really helped me to keep my eyes on christ and not on my stress levels. it's someone worth dying for by mikes chair. here are some of the lyrics to the song:

You are more than flesh and bone
Can't you see you're something beautiful
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe
He wants you to see, He wants you to see
That you're not just some wandering soul
That can't be seen and can't be known
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe that you
Are someone worth dying for

i am someone worth dying for. i am more than just flesh and bone walking around this earth. i have a purpose. someone who was perfect and deserved no punishment took all of mine and died a horrible and painful death just for me, so that i could live a life free from sin. these simple words have encouraged me on almost a daily basis lately that my life is not about me, but about christ. it is my responsibility to put my worries and troubles aside and live my life with him and for him.

so i guess this is about all i have for now. :) the daily ups and downs of the unknown are very tiring, but the comfort and joy of christ continues to carry me through each and everyday!!