January 21

the weekend is here!!!! yay! hopefully for me this means lots of rest and a jump start on some reading for school. i am so tired right now, it is difficult to even keep my eyes open. the only reason i am not in the bed is because i do not want to wake up at 3 in the morning and be up for the rest of the night. i have been having some trouble sleeping pretty much the past two weeks or so. when i first got back to nc after the holidays i was sick so i was taking medicine at night that knocked me out. when i first stopped taking the meds i was still sleeping, but then i just stopped, so i don't think it is anything from the medications. and it's different every night. some nights i can't go to sleep, and some nights i wake up really early and can't go back to sleep. i think the worse though is when i slip off to sleep for like 30 minutes to an hour and then wake up! that just frustrates me so much! i guess part of the issue is i have a lot of things on my mind and for some reason i am just dwelling on everything. it's nothing really big or life changing just several things that i feel that God may be calling me to do, but i don't want to do them. these decisions will take even more time out of my already packed schedule and may result in my loosing some friendships, so i am just not certain to which direction God is leading to me to right now. i'm not really stressing out about anything yet, i just start thinking and going through pros and cons and praying and planning which all results in my not sleeping. :) i really wish God would lay all of this on my heart during the afternoons, not in the middle of the night! :)

for those of you who read the last post i wanted to let you know that i still haven't decided about that forth class. :) oops. haha. i had actually decided not to take, but then yesterday i had a meeting with my so-called "advisor" (there is an explanation for the attitude here) and he advised me to go ahead and take it if there was any way possible. so i am going to sorta see how much reading i can get done this weekend and hopefully get some responses to some emails by tuesday and make my decision by then. my advisor told me that i had till next thursday to decide, so i am just not going to jump into taking it just yet. :) ok so i put "advisor" in quotes because i was highly disappointed in my meeting yesterday. while he was a perfectly nice professor it was really frustrating to leave with even more questions than i went in with! every time i asked him a question he told me someone else i had to email in order to get the answer. so i ended up coming home and having to email 3 more people. (none of which i have heard back from yet) i don't see the point in having an advisor if they can't help us out with anything. if we have to go through a different department for ever single thing, then what exactly is the point of the advisor. ugh it was just frustrating to take time out of my week and schedule a meeting with him and then not get anything answered. oh well. i'm just hoping these other guys get back to me soon so i can make sure that i am going to be able to graduate on time.

my jobs are going really well. i am getting more comfortable with the tutoring everyday, so that's nice. the preschool has been insane!!!! :) since i only have my four year olds on mon wed and fri, we have been really stretching to get everything in our weeks that we need to get in. i don't think we have been able to have a full week since we got back from christmas due to weather and mlk jr day and then this week we have a teacher work day, so it has just been a little rushed. but we are having fun as always :) i'm telling you, i absolutely love teaching preschool. while it can be rough and draining at times, it really is the joy of my life right now. i really think it is funny that when i was little (like elementary age) i use to tell my mom that i wanted to run my own preschool like ms gail at village school and now here i am 15-20 years later and i may actually get to do that one day. it's amazing how when we are little we seem to be so in tune with God's plans, and then as we get older and want to figure everything out on our own, we block out his will. now i'm not saying that everyone should become what they say they wanted to be when they were in elementary school, but i feel that as we get older it gets harder to hear God's voice clearly.

alrighty well i'm going to go attempt to hopefully get a full nights sleep!!! i hope everyone has a great weekend :)