february 4

okay the semester is rolling right along. :) so far so good. the work load should be a little easier than last semester was, but it will still be enough to keep me busy. :)

there is still no progress on where God will be leading me after graduation. it is a little tough cuz i truly want to just stay where i am right now. i love living in the raleigh area and i love working at the preschool i am at and i love my church, therefore i want to stay planted where i am and continue doing what i love with the people i love. unfortunately bills will have to be paid and therefore i will have to find a full time job in order to take care of that. i know that God is going to provide something and he is in control of my path, even though some times it doesn't feel like. i'm just holding strong to the fact that i have followed God's plan thus far and he will get me where he wants me!

this week has been one of those week where i feel like my head has been spinning all week. it started out like just any other busy week, but somewhere along the way it took a turn in a direction i never would have expected. i had been complaining about stuff with school and work, and then i ended up having an ulcer on my eye and so i couldn't wear my left contact. well i also don't have glasses so i am not allowed to drive after dark and just complaining about everything and then i receive an email i never thought i would read. the woman who has always been my person to turn to no matter what was diagnosed with breast cancer this week. i have known many women in my life who have fought this battle, but you just never imagine it will hit this close to home and right there everything simply froze. i wish more than anything i could take this away from her. i wish i could make it all better, the way she seemed to always make it all better for me, but i can't. she is an unbelievably strong and faithful woman and a mere glimpse of the christian that i could hope to be. she knows that God is carrying her through this and even in the hard times, she is demonstrating the walk of a christian. it just really puts my whining self in my place.

this world is not about my wants and my desires. this world is about praising God and leading those who are lost to him. it's as simple as that and nothing else matters. it does not matter where i live, what job i have, or how much money is in my bank account. what matters is Christ! i'm tired of living for myself and my wants, and i hope that each and every day i will do better living my life for Christ alone. i will fail every day, but each morning i pray that i will die to myself so that i may live for Christ.

please pray with me for my precious and dear friend who is beginning this battle. God hears our prayers and answers those who call upon his name. he still works miracles everyday!